Micro Joy: A Realistic Approach to Caregiver Self-Care

November is National Family Caregivers Month—a time to honor the everyday superheroes who show up with love, grit, and yes, that never-ending to-do list. This includes the 16.8 million people in the U.S. caring for a child with disabilities or complex medical needs, a powerful part of an estimated 52 million total caregivers nationwide.

If you’re raising a kid with developmental or learning differences, your days are running marathons most people don’t even know exist. Appointments, IEP meetings, therapies, advocacy, work—plus wrangling systems that were apparently designed by a committee of sleep-deprived cats. Sixty percent of caregivers report struggling to find local services and support. No wonder you feel alone, exhausted, or stretched so thin you could be the world’s first human fruit roll-up.

And let’s be real: Traditional “self-care” advice? Baths, candles, spa days... It’s lovely on Pinterest, but who are we kidding? You’d settle for an uninterrupted pee break.

From “Be Happy” to “Happier”

Here’s the thing: The goal isn’t to be “happy” all the time. That’s a fantasy built for greeting cards, not real families. Let’s aim for “happier.” Happier is possible. Happier is flexible. Happier is built, one tiny decision at a time, right in the middle of real life.

Think joy points. Like frequent flyer miles, but for your mood. Micro moments. Teeny choices that lift you up, no big cash or babysitter required.

But before we go practical, let’s name the elephant: the invisible barriers.

Name the Real Barriers

Maybe self-care feels selfish—or even a little scary.Maybe it feels like you should always put your child’s needs first, or that if you just do more, maybe you’ll “earn” a break.Maybe asking for help feels impossible, or you hear an old family mantra—“We take care of our own,” or “If I don’t do it, nobody will.”

Let’s not forget the greatest hits of negative self-talk:

• “I never get it right.”

• “I can’t find time for myself.”

  
  

These well-worn playlists don’t make you weak; they make you human. Left unchecked, they keep you in survival mode until your body or your brain—maybe both—force a shutdown.

This month, give yourself a moment to ask: 

What beliefs are really standing in my way?

What stories do I carry that keep me from caring for myself—even in tiny, doable ways?

Realistic Micro Joys — No Extra To-Do List Required

• Pick up the phone for a favorite person, even if it’s just for two minutes.

• Reply to the hilarious text instead of saving it for “later.”

• Walk the dogs—your body and mind will thank you. 

• Go to that thing you were invited to, if you want. Or skip it, guilt-free.

• Reheat that coffee. Hot coffee is magic.

• Sit in the comfortable chair while responding to school emails (yes, you deserve it).

• Turn on the playlist you secretly love while cleaning up.

• Delete one email you’ll never answer.

• Toss one piece of clutter—let that be enough progress.

• Use canned responses for school emails. Time saved = sanity preserved.

• Tell someone, “I can talk tomorrow,” and protect your peace.

• Enjoy that treat you hide from everyone. No sharing required.

• Watch a silly video—on purpose.

• Use the “good” lotion or candle. Today is the occasion.

• Check off something you already did. Instant win.

• Say (out loud), “I did a lot today. Go me!”

• Take three slow, deep breaths. Micro reset.

• Sit for 60 seconds and do absolutely nothing. Permission granted.

• Get Alexa to boss you through a mindfulness minute before you leave bed. Mindfulness feels fancy, but a minute is doable—and when Alexa’s ordering you, you actually do it. 

  
  

None of this requires planning, childcare, or a miracle. These are not “add-ons”—they’re the small, realistic cracks where light gets in.

You Are Seen and Needed

Caregiving is beautiful, important... and yes, really hard. Every day, you manage therapies, school meetings, meltdowns, medical challenges, logistics, and Big Feelings—while leading with love (and caffeine).

So here’s a big, loud THANK YOU.You are seen. You are valued. You matter.You deserve moments of happiness—not some magical “someday,” but today, right here, in the real life you’re living.

You’ve got this. Even when it doesn’t feel like it, you already are enough.